Quick recap for anyone new to the blog: Last month I started a new feature. It involves interviewing different families who are in the midst of raising a child in an urban setting (which typically means away from any family members who could help out). It's something that always comes up in conversations with friends and of course, I'm deeply curious about all the different ways to go about raising a family. This past weekend, I took the project one step further and actually took the photos myself. Jen and Dan were incredibly generous with me and I am very grateful that they shared their story with us. They have a unique situation where they both get to spend the majority of their time at home with Galayna. In addition, Jen and Dan are an extremely kind, socially concious couple who share a unified vision about raising a family.
All answers are Jen's unless otherwise specified.
what kind of work do you do?
Dan: Computer programming
Jen: Before I became a full-time mom, I was a full-time social worker. My last position was crisis intervention and referrals for adolescents and their families. Now the kind of work I do is feeding, entertaining and the general loving of a toddler.
what neighborhood do you live in?
Sunset Park, Brooklyn
Buy or Rent? how many bedrooms?
We own a small two-bedroomish (living room, bedroom and office/den that will soon be the baby room) one bathroom in an old Finnish co-op that was created to be affordable housing and indeed was quite affordable when my
husband bought it about 11 years ago. Our maintenance is incredibly fair as well. I'm mentioning all this, because it's our living arrangement that allows me to be a stay at home mom while Dan works freelance jobs and renovates our apartment.
what do you do for childcare?
I'm the childcare. Dan works from home and helps with the baby when necessary. I used to think that this is what was essential to my sanity, but when he had several weeks working on site on one of his jobs, it was more relaxed. I think that's because I wasn't seeing him in the apartment all the time without his interacting with us. That can feel lonely, even though I understand he's actually "at work." It was also kind of nice having the whole apartment to ourselves!
About once a month, my mom and step-dad come over, or we travel up to White Plains. They have a car and we don't, so when we go up there, we tend to stay over a couple of days, as it's a two hour, three train haul. Those are always fun times for Galayna and I get pampered by my mom's fabulous cooking and even sometimes get to read the New York Times magazine right in the middle of the day!
do you get to go out anymore?
I've celebratorily documented each of the 5 date nights we've had since Galayna was born (she's a little over 17 months old), our latest one was to see Mike Birbiglia at Union Hall and my fabulous ex-office mate came
over to babysit, in exchange for an hour of pre-bedtime playtime. Another time, one of my local mom friends came over for a babysitting exchange while we went to a concert in the city. The dates have each been fun and necessary in their own way, but we don't need them that often (as evidenced by the one every 3.5 months average). I honestly attribute this to the fact that we've been together for 11 years - we were married 5 before we had Galayna. We've had our couple time and it was great. Now we're really into family time. Plus, we're getting old! I'm pretty tired
after a day with an enthusiastic baby with an exhaustingly short attention span.
We do go out separately sometimes. Some other new moms from the neighborhood started a New Moms group (a slightly archaic term now) and we were enjoying a weekly Thursday happy hour and I've gone to friend's
parties after Galayna's gone to bed. It's a pretty surreal feeling to be out without her, especially if I'm dressed up and headed to Manhattan. I get this mental tic of wondering whether people know I'm a mom. When we're traveling together, it's pretty obvious, because she's usually strapped to me.
what surprised you the most about having a child?
Dan: Hmm... Not sure I've been surprised.
Jen: The most surprising thing, I guess, is that it's really impossible to wrap my mind around the fact that literally first came love, then came marriage, then came this walking, chatting, funny, sweet, adorable person. It wasn't always a picnic though. Galayna had colic for her first three months of life. She was like the bus in the movie Speed, we had to keep her moving fast (rocking, dancing, wearing her in the Moby and bouncing) or she'd go off. I kept waiting for the fun to start, and it did, when Galayna was around 4 months old and honestly, it's just gotten better. I guess now I'm mostly surprised by how guilty I feel for being so happy. Being a social worker was my way of giving back to my community and now I feel somewhat guilty that all I have is one lovable client - it doesn't get much better in my field.
do you see yourself living here in five years?
Dan: Yes and no. We like the lifestyle and community here. Schools and proximity to family may have us moving to Westchester.
Jen: I lived in Pelham, NY before living in Brooklyn and fell in love with the town. The 4 years I spent there were some of the happiest of my life. I would miss Brooklyn terribly. I love the diversity, the fact that all I have to do is walk out of my apartment and there is life and action and we live right across from Sunset Park and in the summer we went swimming in the public pool everyday and nearly everyday played with other moms and babies there. I fear the relative isolation of houses and space between. But, the schools are better and I have family and friends there...Whenever I get stuck, I always remind myself, we can always come back to Brooklyn if we're miserable.
what is Galayna’s favorite items in the apartment?
Galayna loves spending time in the playhouse constructed from the One Step Ahead "Little Playzone" we bought from a friend, foam mats, a makeshift bookcase, pillows and her favorite friend, Galayna bear. Her essential
night items are Scooter the prairie dog and a small soft baby blanket. She also loves anything she can make into a pocketbook, anything she can make into a phone and to push her dollar store baby stroller and the Radio
Flyer walker/wagon around. Oh, and how could I forget, she is not really an item per se, but one of the best things about our apartment is Jazzy kitty, our incredibly sweet and tolerant cat.
Dan: Galayna bear
any favorite blogs or websites?
Dan: Not about parenting. I read The Expectant Father and The New Father books. Beyond that, I play it by ear.
Jen: When I was pregnant, I was a loyal contributor/reader of the AltDotLife.com expectant mothers threads. It was entirely helpful and comforting. Once I had Galayna though, I started to feel an awful sense of competition there. I heard myself thinking things like, "Everyone said how adorable so and so's baby is, but nobody said anything about G" and "people think I'm too soft a mother because I'm not sleep training" (the value of which I warmed up to when Galayna lost the swaddle). I just couldn't emotionally afford to lay my sensitive new mom feelings bare to such a large and anonymous community.
what is Galayna’s favorite book?
Her favorites are Subway, by Anastasia Suen and Karen Katz, Carry Me (Babies Everywhere), by Rena D. Grossman and I Howl, I Growl, by Marcia Vaughn.
Dan: Subway
any advice to new parents living in the city?
Dan: The Moby wrap for infants and the Ergo carrier for bigger kids is very helpful for getting around town.
I second Dan's advice. Strollers are such a drag. They have to be hoisted up and down subway station stairs and folded up to get on the bus. I never did this when Galayna was a little baby. What do you do with a baby who cannot stand yet when you have to fold up your stroller? I suppose I should have gotten a City Mini, which sports one-handed folding.
I would also suggest checking Google and Yahoo for a local parents group - Yahoo's Sunset Park Parents has been invaluable to me. Finally, if you are a stay at home parent who used to thrive on structure, schedule your
week ahead of time so you never have one of those, "what in the world are we going to do all day" panics. Joining the local Y is also a great help. I'm still friendly with some women from pre-natal yoga and it was fun to then see those same women at Mommy and Me yoga.
